I’d like to talk about depression. I don’t feel like I am depressed, but I do think that I could very well be because, well, suddenly, in one day, I lost everything – which could lead a person to be just a bit down perhaps.
The thing is, I feel as if I’ve veered on the edge of depression a few times but managed to get through it. My faith helped me, and I understood to “humble yourself under the mighty hand of God,” which means not to fight it. When you start fighting it, you’re in for a long, hard and losing battle. Then you are depressed.
But I’ve found I have to keep working at it in a very practical way. It’s easy for me to lay in bed, still for a long time, listening to music on my Amazon Echo and enjoying a distress-free time. If I keep my head still, it doesn’t do trippy things – which sets off my stomach – and also find a good position that doesn’t activate my shingles. So laying in bed isn’t just a lazy thing, it’s a survival mechanism.
Still, it’s really not much of a life either. And here I have to make a decision. I have to force myself to do something, even if it’s risky. The other day Angela and I went to see the movie Searching, and I went for a car ride another time with a good friend. Went to my son’s soccer game also. Normal things.
Big deal you say, but it is a big deal. Life is what you make of it, and we make decisions every day that impact on our mental health. We can jump into life and live it – even if it’s in a wheelchair and at a low level – or we can wallow. So as long as I’m jumping in, I’m ok. Stop jumping, stop living, and start down the black hole.
It’s a sacrifice, but a good one. And like everything in life, its a decision I make. Please don’t get me wrong: everyone is different, and I’m only talking about what happens to work for me. But I wish everyone the best in this battle!
Cancer Chronicles 