Do You Have SSD?

Let me set the scene: we have just purchased a fireplace for our deck and happen to leaf through the directions, and we read the following: “Do not use in a home or in a vehicle.”

That is exhibit A.

Exhibit B is: we are going to cook a pizza and the directions on the back states “Do not eat frozen.”

From http://funnytab.net/doomed

We have to ask the question – how stupid are we Americans? Are we really so dumb that we would actually move a fireplace into the back of our van and start a fire, and do we really eat stiff, cold frozen pizza without cooking it?

That is the question.

The best, however, is when we bought an electronic fence for our little pup. With this gadget, our puppy wears a red, specially-designed collar that shocks him if he gets too close to the road. Again, for some crazy reason we men decided to read the directions and found this little admonition, “Do not use on children!”

Lets unpack this a bit. A person buys this device and – instead of using it on Spot – he puts it on his little Johnny. So, a casual observer, walking by the yard would see the bright red collar on Johnny with the two half inch prongs sticking into his skin and – ZAP – shocked he would be if he got too close to the road.

(For even better control, parents could dial the Zap up or down, as the unit has a control that allows the shock to be greater or lesser, so obedience could be enforced in different degrees. Everyone has a different parenting style!)

Upon thinking deeper on this subject, I thought that a new metric should be devised for such people; I can see it qualifying as a psychological disorder and one in which medicine could eventually be used to control symptoms. I call it Stupidity Spectrum Disorder (SSD), something that we all exhibit at some time in our lives (and others in their death). Light cases would be people who – and I am guilty of this – become flipped out in the kitchen saying, “Where is my phone, I have to go!” when it is right in my hand, whereas those with more moderate cases pay cashiers and then walk away forgetting their items, and then there are those who are severely afflicted with SSD, who as we saw above light fires in the back of their SUVs, along with doing other dumb things.

Yes, it is about time this malady was recognized, and the only question is: where am I on the spectrum?