Its difficult to keep things on a normal footing when everything is abnormal in your life, but I’m trying.
There was a wedding this last weekend. “Do you think you should go?” my wife asked, as wives will. She is not only a wife but a nurse – which is worse. (Generally, you can’t say anything to a nurse and be right.)
“I’m going,” I bellowed. This was sheer stubbornness; I wanted to go and would. It was decided and finished. Period. Of course, when I said it, I knew the big man upstairs would have to agree, otherwise I would not be going no matter what I wanted.
But fortunately I did go! It was a great wedding and a great couple. I’m glad I could be along to celebrate with them.
For myself, just to do something normal like this was medicine.
The next day my two big sons walked me down the road, one on either side of me so I didn’t fall. Outside! There is such a thing as Outside, with trees and a corn field and a big, blue fall sky above. Walking back to the house, I laid on the grass for a long time and looked up at our huge, billowing trees sway above me. It was like being on LSD. I mean, here I was: outside!
Me on the lawn outside our house
Every Sunday I play cards with some friends, and did so this weekend also. I think we won a few games and lost a few. I forget. But just sitting there with friends, chatting as we played, was fantastic.
The thing is, you don’t want the illness to totally define you and swallow up your entire life – if you can help it. It’s not healthy. So pushing yourself is not always bad but in a lot of ways keeps you going. Cancer is as much a mental thing as a physical thing. That’s the take-away.
Cancer Chronicles 